This is an example of a WordPress page, just one of a bazillion like it. Here’s where users go to read about SSXIX, as well as stalkers, hangers-on and various other well-wishers found online. So…who is SSXIX, anyway?
SSXIX was born the son of a serial fruit-picker and itinerant submarine captain, who were both in town for the annual convention of Howdy-Doody fanzine authors. As soon as he was able to walk a tightrope, his parents sent SSXIX off to San Jacinto Prep, a military boarding school run by fruit bats. He spent his formative years leaping from treetop to treetop, crawling down to suckle on mangoes for sustenance, in between episodes of KP duty and digging slit trenches for the Youth Bat Army.
On graduation, he was released to return home, but when SSXIX met his mother and half-siblings (she’d remarried some years before, after that horrible submarine abduction incident) at the train station, his family had not seen him for years. They mistook his high-pitched twittering as another sonic attack from Dr. Lumbago, the mad Portuguese plantation owner who had been conducting a vendetta on the family for years, ever since a blow to the head had reminded the doctor that SSXIX’s father was the reincarnation of Jeremy Planters. Jeremy had shot Gonzaga Lumbago in a duel and then turned Lumbago’s peanut farm into the multi-billion dollar Planters Peanuts international corporation. Ever since that day, Lumbago had turned all his energies to destroying their family, and so, in their mistake, SSXIX’s mother and half-siblings pelted SSXIX with cobblestones all the way out of town.
Since then, SSXIX has been forced to scrounge for food, desperate to find regular work for someone with few skills beyond super-human strength, extra-ordinary good looks, perfect pitch, an innate knack for all consumer electronics, and the ability to climb sheer surfaces. It’s been a hard life, but at least he has this site to help soothe the anguish.
ssxix 